I feel so alone.

Life has been one big change after another. And the one person i want to talk to i cant. I miss my Aunt Paula so much. She was my total confident with my life as I was hers. We were more than just Aunt and neice we were best friends. I know shes gone but at times I really wish she was still here which is selfish of me because shes in a better place and in no more pain but with all 25 years of my life she has been there for me and now I dont know what to do without her. And I feel so ALONE.

Alot has changed.

Its been a hard month. I had to move in with my aunt Teri and cousin Emily because with the new GI Bill I'm still waiting for my money. I almost lost my car but thanks to my mom I didnt. But now I owe money to family and friends. Hopefully soon I get my VA payment.
Its a big adjustment to living with a 17 year old. But we slowly fudging through it. We get in arguments but then we make up quickly. Two total different personalities who clash alot! I'll either be here til I get my taxes or for good. It all depends on how it all works out. Most of my stuff is in storage, so its wierd. But I got my own room and the girls share a room.
Classes are going well I been going to business classes Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nites. So the girls getting used to being bounced around again. Work is going okay. Wish i was full time but I cant become full time til i get 2 more Early Childhood Education classes done. And I cant sign up for those until i get my VA money.
Life sucks when i dont got my normal ammount of money coming in.
Kassidi's birthday is coming up this saturday and i cant do anything for her birthday yet and I feel super bad. I did help my Aunt Sherie throw a surprise party for my parents and she included Kassidi into the party but Kassidi didnt feel like it was a party for her and she told my aunt that. So whenever i get my payment I'm gonna haveto throw her somethign. Oh well thats it for now. TTUL

Sadness

I havent been on in awhile. Lots has happened and I just wanna cry.
My Aunt Paula got really sick beginning of August and she passed on August 18,2009. None of us were expecting her to get so sick and we thought she was getting better and within 12 hours we let her go. It hurts so bad. I expect to get a text or a phone call from her but it will never happen in my life again. It hurts so bad. I will always miss her.

I cant even finish writing right now about anything.

Its almost been a month!

Life has been busy! My Head Start job ended May 21st and I started working at my girls day care that same day! i was lucky to get a job! I had to find one for the summer or risk losing my child care assistance. But now I cant wait for August to come and start back up at Head Start. I like the day care but i do not like working in one! But a job is a job and i so cant afford paying child care normal price! College classes ended May 14 and I got 2 As and 1 B! YAY for me! Summer classes started June 1st and so far not easy! So much work to do in 8 weeks and right now I still dont have my books because of a miscommunication between the college and the VA. But soon i should be able to get them I HOPE!

So a long story short. I havent talked to my dad in 18 months so i havent talked to my lil bro in the same ammount of time. Well I talked to my grandma and my lil bro is in town for the summer. He will be 15 june 24 and he is working at my great aunt and uncles farm so Ifinally get to see him so I'm super happy!

A recipe I want to share!

My family calls it chicken stuff.

Ingredients:
1 package cream cheese
1 can Campbells Cream of Mushroom (or you can use chicken, brocoli and cheese, or any cream of soup)
4-6 pieces of boneless chicken breasts
1 Package Bacon

Turn Oven on 350.
In one pan fry up the bacon so it is a lil crunchy but not super hard crunchy.
Another pan melt the cream cheese and soup, add half a can of water.

In a cake pan place bacon on bottom of pan, then add chicken. then add the soup/cream cheese mix, Cover with tin foil and cook for 60 minutes.

While the chicken cools off make 2-3 servings of rice.

On plate put rice, chicken, bacon, and sauce on top.

IT IS SO GOOD!

I did it!

I got 2 As and 1 B in my classes this semester! I'm so happy! I feel so proud of myself!

I also met the President of the College on Wednesday and hes going to talk to the guy who was rude to me and my girls. He set me up an appointment to register for summer classes on Monday! I should be taking marketing and retailing this summer.

I Cant Believe this Happened!

So i went to register today for summer session at the college and the advisor guy was plain rude. trying to have me do something that made no sense to me and he wouldnt explain it. The girls were being so good so it was all great except for the crap the guy was doing. since i am a Veteren there is certain stuff i have to do for each college semester and he wasnt doin it at all. then he made a comment that it'd be easier if my kids werent there mind you they were being good. by this time tho i'm frustrated and kassidi starts to feel it. but shes still good til the guy tells her not to touch the blinds she mite break them and he said it sorude. so after that i start limiting what kassidi is doing and she starts getting upset. all this time the guy still isnt explaining anything to me. Hes making me feel stupid saying i've registered wrong every semester. but its how the other advisors had me do it so it couldnt have been rude. then theguy sees kassidi climbin on a book shelf (she acting out by now) and he tels her to get down. that was okay because she didnt need to be there. i ask kassidi if shecan sit down and relax and of course kassidi says no....and this is where i get supreme pissed i start bawling....the guy tells kassidi "young lady if you dont listen to your mother you can go outside"
WTF is this guy thinkin telling my 4 year old to go outside!
I walk out then. I call the college and ask who i make a complaint too. turns out the rude guy was head of that department so i got an appointment tomorro with the president of the college. I mean i have no choice but to take my girls with me the only time they can be at day care is when i work or am in class because i am on child care assistane with thestate. they have always gone with me to register for classes! ALWAYS! If I leave them longer at day care i pay extra.
So tomorro while i talk to the president i have too pay extra to have my kids there.
i was so upset. i coudlntbelieve what that guy was saying or doing to me. i have never had this bad of service there and it it was all wrong.

My College

So i finally figured out how many classes I need to finish my Associate in Business. I need 9 more classes and I'll be done. So if I take Summer, Fall, and Spring full time classes I should graduate in May 2010. Turns out I should have graduated this summer but since I failed 6 classes in the last year and half, I'll have to deal. Turns out the first 2 classes i failed was my first trimester when i was preggo with Karlee, i was super sick and tired! Then the next class I failed was last summer when I had her! Then the next 3 classes i failed was last fall semester because it took me so long to be able to get used to havin a baby and doing homework and the PPD didnt help at all! But hey i have 2 As and 1 B so far this semester and finals are next week!

As some of you know my GI Bill Benefits are over in July and I have been stressing because thats how i pay my rent and all my bills every month. I get $1200 a month for classes and thats what i live on. So i have been trying to get a full time job and figure out how i am going to make it with my girls. I have been freakin because i havent been able to find a job anywhereand I thought i wouldnt be able to get my degree.

Well I just found out yesterday i can get an extra 12 months benefits from a New GIBill that is being released Aug 2009! So I filled out my application today and sent it in! So now if i get the 12 months additional benefits I can stay working at my current job as a Part time Aide to the preschoolers and I can finish my college and graduate next May!

The best thing about the New Gi Bill is that it pays the college my tuition so i dont have to worry about paying my tuition. It also buys my books and then gives me $1200 a month!

So at this moment I am one happy woman! And if i can wait a year the job market should be up and I'll have a degree so I can get a better job to support my girls!

Pictures!

These are pictures from Easter, a family BBQ, and the carnival!

I forgot! and my family!

We had another family BBQ on Sat. April 18! It was so nice to sit around with everyone and eat and talk. We had the fire pit going again and this time Karlee got to see cause she was awake! She thought it was fun to be passed around from person to person. Kassidi got to play with her fave cousin (my nephew) Aiden (age 5) all week so she has major fun.

My sister Rachel is in the Airforce and is stationed in Korea right now so my nephew lives in Vegas with her best friend and he visits us all the time. In June Rachel and Aiden will be living in England for 3 years and it just hit me on Sat. that soon we wont see Aiden once a month. I feel so bad for Kassidi because they are so close to each other.

I guess I will tell a lil bit about my family!

My brother Chris works at Honeywell here in Kingman, AZ and has been there for about 14 years and he has his daughter Jordan who will be 11 this year. I see Chris and Jordan almost every weekend cause Jordan is either at my house or Kassidi is at their house.

My brother Bryan (was in Marines for 9 years, been out for 2 years) lives somewhere around L.A. working I have no idea and he lives with his fiance Patrice. I dont get to talk to Bryan too much only when he comes home.

(BTW if I forgot to mention it I was in the Navy for 4 years, my sister Rachel is in Airforce and then Bryan was in the marines. We tried to get Chris to join the Army but he just wouldnt!!!)

Mom and dad live here and it is so nice to be able to see them when ever I want. My dad will be retiring from the city Jan. 2010 and my mom works at Home Depot mostly cause she was bored at home after all us kids graduated and left.

I have many different aunts and cousins that live here. Theres my aunt Paula and her daughter Stephanie (age 15). Paula's son Corey (soon to be 21) and his girl Dedra who have son Hunter who will be 1 in August. My aunt Teri and cousin Emily (soon to be 17) and my cousin Jeff (Emilys twin) who lives in California.

I think I will stop now cause I could go on and on and on and on.

Spring Break Over :(

I had to go back to work today. (I just had a full week off from work paid.) It was so nice to spend the week with my girls and not have to run off to work. Dont get me wrong I love working where I do but it was SO NICE to have a week off!

Not only that I got my living room cleaned and rearranged! I cleaned Kassidi's whole room and rearranged my whole room. I had to find all Kassidi's my littlest pet shops toys and put them in their own container that Karlee cant get into. Because every toy that comes with the LPS is so small Karlee could choke. I got the bathroom and the kitchen cleaned! It feels good to finally have it done. I also got the last 3 weeks worth of laundry done and folded away. I dont mind doing laundry but I hate folding and putting it all away!

I spent a couple days just taking the girls to the parks or playing outside. Kassidi and I did some craft projects. Karlee got her 3rd tooth and is seriously trying to stand up on her own.

Getting up today and trying to get everyone out the door on time seemed to take forever. We got in the car and i left my keys in the locked house! Thankfully my neighbor Nikki was home and she has a spare key to my house! (we live in a duplex so she is literally my neighbor and best friend) The rest of my day went good. It was so awesome to see the 20 kids at the preschool the work day went by so fast! Wish they all went by like that!

On a bad note: I have 2 weeks to come up with $581 to pay this semester tuition at the college and have no clue how I am going to come up with the money but somehow I will. I still have to register for summer and pay that tuition, but hopefully for summer I can get financial aid. We shall see.

Hi!

Hi, Amber here! I've been reading a few blogs of different people for months now and finally decided to do my own. I am 25 years old, mother of 2 girls ages 4 1/2 years old Kassidi and 9 1/2 month old Karlee. I work part time at a Head Start site as a Part Time Aide. I help the teachers with the children and help get breakfast and lunch to the kiddos and clean up after wards. I've been working there for 1 1/2 years. I am currently looking for a full time position in a day care or somewhere working with children. I go to full time college and trying to get my Associate in Business. Both my girls go to a really great day care. Kassidi learned to write her name in 6 weeks and Karlee has ton of friends that she gets to play with all day.

Easter was yesterday and it went great. We did easter baskets at my house then Kassidi went to church with my cousin Emily (age 16)while Karlee and I stayed home and relaxed. Emily is more like a sister than my cousin and she is a part of our lifes every day. We all went to McDonalds after church then did an easter egg hunt at my house with my neighbors Nikki and Abe and their kids Taylor (girl age 8), Anastasia (girl age 6), and Destiney (girl age 16 months) and Nikki's little brother Brendan (age 9). I do so much with my neighbors I had to introduce them! Kassidi, Karlee and I went to my moms house for a family feast. We had more easter egg hunts with my nephew Aiden and niece Jordan. Dinner was fun with the family and once it started getting chilly we sat around the fire pit out back and made smores. We got home pretty late and all went to bed. I will try to post some pics as soon as I figure out how.