Birthdays

I just had my 27th Birthday yesterday. And realized I havent blogged in awhile again. I had said I was going to keep it up but then never did. I never completely quit smoking. I still know I should but I made it 1 1/2 weeks when I got fired from my job on January 19th. Spent about 2 weeks feeling really sorry about myself. Then decided I had to do something. I liked that job in the begining but then it became hellish and very stressful for me and my girls. So it was a blessing in disguise. I have been job searching but havent heard back from anything. It really sucks. I am getting unemployment so that helps. Hoping I have a Great lead for one on Monday. Working in the hospitals daycare as a teacher. It pays well and has benefits. Fingers and toes are so CROSSED!

I moved on December 31st 2010 to a much better place for a better price! Its so much bigger and better. Then landlady is awesome and actually fixes stuff when I report it unlike the slumlord I had before. Who has been threatening me with a bunch of different stuff since I left there 2 months ago. I should have reported him for the crappy house but since he was leniant when it came to rent I didnt but now I am hating that I didnt do it. Oh well cant go back. Was thinking of changing my cell number but I like my number and have had it for almost 2 years and I really dont want to change it.

After we moved I put Kassidi back into kindergarten. Homeschooling was getting really hard for me to keep up with and with her tantrums I wanted to pull my hair out. It was rough the first couple weeks and she was behind but shes slowly gotten used to it and is catching up real quick. She sure is a firecracker. We were seeing a counselor for awhile but once I got fired from that job and was around more and less stressed shes been doing so much better. It had got to the point I was considering putting her on mood stabilizer glad I waited. We will go back to counseling when i get a job and if she starts acting up again. Hoping she wont.

So after almost 2 years of Karlees dad not seeing her I contacted him last month and arranged for him to have her on the weekends. Every thursday I have been texting him setting up times for him to have her. This has been going on 2 months. So the last 2 weekends I didnt contact him and I never heard from him. Heartbreaking to me because I really wish he cared about her. I feel at times he does but when he doesnt ask about her or when he can have her. Sucks. Especially now that she calls him her daddy.

Had to explain to Kassidi about her biological dad. I explained that some men dont have it in them to be a great father and some of them dont care for their kids. I told her it didnt matter what he thought cause she had me and i love her enough for 2 people. She seemed to take the explanation good enough and I still stick to my guts that I will never tell her who he was. He is not important.

We went on vacation a week ago to San Diego and saw some friends! It did me so much good seeing them. My friends Mike and Wendy had their 4th boy while I was there. And it was great all our kids playing with each other. We also went to Legoland and Seaworld.

I have been going on dates for a year now with Sam. I have no clue how he puts up with me because it'll be great for awhile then he gets needy and i push him away. I care for him and really enjoy his company but I am so indepenant now. I was talking to my friends Mikie and Wendy and they said i was like a complete different person cause when i lived in San Diego all I was about was finding a guy and dating him and trying to make it forever and now I have someone who'd like it to be more and I dont let it. Amazing how we grow. I didnt realize how different I have become. I really want to give Sam more of a chance and I plan on doing it and following through but then never do. Maybe someday I will. I just cant figure out why he is still waiting around for such a complex person like me!

Tomorrow I start a diet. I hit 200 lbs and cant stand to see myself naked. Really doesnt help that the bathroom has mirrors galore so i step out of shower and look at my self and am totally disgusted! So I am starting the HCG Diet drops. Supposed to lose about 1 lb a day. So that would be good. for my height I should be between 115 and 125! not gonna happen, after looking at my pre Kassidi pics I looked horrible skinny and unhealthy at 119. So I am aiming for 145.

My mom has been surprising me alot lately telling me how much she loves me all the time. I love it! I had a one great lady raising me. And I hope I do as well with Kassidi and Karlee that she did with me.

Hopefully I'll remember to come update this more often. I love typing out my thoughts and need to do it more often.